Going Home

USVI

I am lying awake thinking of love and stories,

knowing that tomorrow I will be on a plane

back to where all the memories started.

My mind circles through now and then,

confusing tides of wanting and leaving

that wash up in a froth on my soul.

There’s a fear and a yearning,

knowing that tomorrow I will open the door

on the first eighteen years of my life,

a hope that maybe this time will be different,

and I won’t leave having cried my heart to sleep.

Again.

But you are there and she’s there and he’s there.

They’re all there.

It’s all there –

the physical reality of what I’ve tucked back in my mind.

And soon it might not all feel like just a memory.

Like something I just have to try hard to forget about at night.

I am afraid,

knowing that I will be on a plane tomorrow,

going home.

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