Lonely. Again.

missing him

I’m so fucking lonely. Somehow, I always seem to end up alone. I want to go to church, but I’m afraid that I’ll just get overwhelmed, sitting there on my own. Alone. With nobody else. I hate sitting there, surrounded by other people with their family and their friends. I asked other people, the few people who are around, if they wanted to go with me – but every single person said no. I tried. I tried not to be lonely. It just didn’t work.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up for hours. Maybe even not until tomorrow morning. Because I don’t want to have to deal with being awake and being by myself. I don’t want the constant reminder of the silence. I don’t want the constant ring in the air of being the only one in my room. I hate it. I can’t handle it. I just can’t do it.

Today, it all started when I started missing him. Again. The memories keep replaying through my mind. I can’t get away from them – the soft brush of his lips against mine, the strong, warm stroke of his hands across my back. The way he looked at me.

I miss that so much, damn it.

I miss him.

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One Response to Lonely. Again.

  1. yourothermotherhere says:

    Loneliness and heartache and two very good reasons for withdrawing from the world and focusing all your thoughts inward and escaping into sleep. We all do that at some point in our lives, some more than once. But eventually it fades. It always fades.

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