I’m so fucking lonely. Somehow, I always seem to end up alone. I want to go to church, but I’m afraid that I’ll just get overwhelmed, sitting there on my own. Alone. With nobody else. I hate sitting there, surrounded by other people with their family and their friends. I asked other people, the few people who are around, if they wanted to go with me – but every single person said no. I tried. I tried not to be lonely. It just didn’t work.
I want to go to sleep and not wake up for hours. Maybe even not until tomorrow morning. Because I don’t want to have to deal with being awake and being by myself. I don’t want the constant reminder of the silence. I don’t want the constant ring in the air of being the only one in my room. I hate it. I can’t handle it. I just can’t do it.
Today, it all started when I started missing him. Again. The memories keep replaying through my mind. I can’t get away from them – the soft brush of his lips against mine, the strong, warm stroke of his hands across my back. The way he looked at me.
I miss that so much, damn it.
I miss him.