I wonder if he knows.

i wonder if he knows

I wonder if he knows that all I want is to hear from him. One text, one word. Just “hi.” That’s all I want.

I wonder if he knows that he’s what makes my day worth it. That he’s what I get through the day with my heart hingeing on.

I wonder if he knows that I wait hours to see his name pop up on the screen. That my emotions ride the rise and fall of when he deigns to acknowledge that I exist.

I wonder if he knows that I love him. I wonder if he knows that I spend the days waiting to hear his decision. To hear that I mean something to him, too. Or to hear that I am less to him than I hope I maybe could be.

I wonder if he knows that he is my best addiction and worst pleasure. That my heart swells and writhes and his words. That I am captured, and he holds the chains.

I wonder if he knows that I am waiting, wondering, wanting, willing what I think I see to be true while I run from the little hints that I hope I am just reading into.

I wonder if he knows that some girl out there has a heart that is wasting away just waiting for him to acknowledge it, waiting for him to trade her heart for his.

I wonder if he knows – he must, must know – that that girl is me.

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