Recovering

Well, it’s started. The journey, that is, of recovery. I arrived at Montecatini last Wednesday, and I’ve been settling in since then. Honestly – and this could be because I’m just a bit biased based on what I’m used to – I’m not sure I like it as much as the Bella Vita, but that could also just be my negativity kicking in. “This isn’t as good as your last treatment center, so it’s not going to work, so why are you even here in the first place?” That whole spiel. What ev’s. I’m here. I’m doing it. Recovery is up to me, anyway, no matter what program I’m in, and things seem really skill-based anyway.

My therapist, Jamie, is awesome. From the first session, it was like she got me. She’s in recovery herself, and very firmly so, but not overbearingly so. She’s basically my favorite therapist here.

My days are a very exciting mix of eating, groups, sleeping, more sleeping, and attempting to function. I made the mistake of not bringing enough t-shirts, so I’m too warm a lot of the time.

I’ve got a lot of figuring out to do. Still. Like, beyond even just recovery in the moment. What am I going to do after residential? PHP? Stay in San Diego? Go back to St. Louis? Do something else entirely? Do I go back to Caltech? Do I try for vet school, or a different grad school?

Basically it boils down to – what do I want to do with my life? I’m tired of should’s. I want to follow my heart. That’s something that I want to start doing.

Well, I’ll keep you all posted.

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