People

I’ve had to cut people out of my life before. Between emotional abuse, bullying, frustration, and codependency, the relationships just weren’t healthy. And the people tended to live far away from me, so it was fairly easy to do. Don’t answer phone calls. Don’t respond to “I want to reconnect with you” messages. Delete their phone number.

But what do you do when somebody you know can be a decent person, somebody who you’ve really cared about and who you’ve been slightly romantically involved with, comes around saying sorry for how they acted and asking to start over?

I know, this sounds like a typical girl break up thing. But it’s not that. It’s more complicated. But aren’t things always more complicated in real life?

I don’t know. So there’s this boy. We’ll call him Y. He had a crush on me. And then stuff happened and we didn’t talk for like six months. And then we were friends again. And then I had a crush on him. And we went out. On one date. One. And then things were weird and he was in the hospital and I was in the hospital and there was miscommunication and dependencies and grudges and overreacting and not good stuff. The I-am-a-nice-person part of me wants to forgive him, to start over, to think that maybe things could be good between us, but I don’t know. Because the I-need-to-take-care-of-myself part of me is going oh hell no. Not going back down that road. You’ve hurt me multiple times. We’re not opening this back up. What if things get weird again? What if things get bad again?

And then there’s the fact that this boy (apparently we’re calling him this boy, not Y. oops.) has called me (didn’t pick up that call – he left a message though), facebook messaged me, AND emailed me. Desperation? Codependency? Clingy-ness? Or just wanting to be a good friend and really just wanting to start over?

I don’t know. I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know. Ugh. Thoughts, anyone?

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